Men Are Confusing. Full Stop.

Units of alcohol: 6
Hours spent shopping for paint and carpets: 3
Minutes spent worrying about men: at least 40

I thought dating was a thing that grown-ups do, particularly in America.  I personally don't hear very much about 20 year olds going on dates at any rate. And when does something constitute as a proper date?  This is a question I have recently had to try to answer.
The other and much more important one is, how can you tell if a guy likes you?  What do the number of kisses at the end of a text mean and how much, if at all, should you read into them?  Who should text first? How long should you wait before you text back? What does it mean if he holds your hand or if he playfully pokes you? What is he thinking? How do you know if you are wasting your time? THE LIST GOES ON.  And I'm frankly fed up of it.  Why does everything seem to be some sort of twisted game?  Apparently you're not allowed to just be straight forward and to the point because that scares men. And then your chances of being with them diminishes distinctly.   And this is a shame, particularly if you think you've met your Mr. Perfect.  Men should be forced to wear t-shirts with what they're thinking emblazoned on them to save women all this over-analysing and angst.
For the meantime, I guess I shall just have to keep plodding on, waiting for a text, or simply for Thursday.

My Night as Katwoman

Units of alcohol: lost count
Packets of Tesco's Finest Jumbo King Prawns cooked: 2
Whips bought: 1
Litres of snakebite I refused to down: 1

My dinner party for 4 seemed quite a success and the prawns went down well.  I also had my first mince pie of the season.  I would just like to pay tribute to the lovely half-priceness of various Tesco's Finest products- not just the prawns but also the cognac-laced mince pies. Delish.

After supper I dressed up for a blockmate's 21st Birthday party.  The theme was heroes and villains and so naturally I went as Katwoman.  For this, I invested in a pair cat ears and a tail, a black leotard, patterned tights and a whip. My bottom was clearly on show but isn't Catwoman supposed to be sexy?  You know that scene in Bridget Jones where she turns up to the Tarts and Vicars tea party dressed as a bunny?

Well, I felt and looked a bit like that.  But hey, boys whistled, great pictures were taken and it was a good evening so I guess that it was worth it.

Then I met up with Caveman and his friend and we went to the Student Union.  A bunch of his friends were there and we ended up playing touch-cup, a drinking game that I had never played before and therefore failed at pretty miserably.  Caveman was a gentleman although be it a silly one and took my hit for me, downing almost a litre of snakebite then surreptitiously throwing up on the floor.  Lovely. Didn't put me off him though.

My Flatmates and Fridayness

Units of alcohol: 1 so far but many, many more will be consumed tonight
Crushes: 1
Work done: zilch apart from this blog
Smiley Kat: 1

I think I should write a little about my flatmates.  I live in a single-sex flat with 4 international students.

First there is Lily aged 22 and she is Bulgarian.  She is really nice and has very good English but isn't often in so we don't talk or hang out much. She will be here for 3 years as she is studying Photography, but she has never been abroad before.  However, she seems to be coping just fine and has some lovely friends who I have met.  She always laughs at me in my ridiculous costumes I end up wearing, and she is super prepared and concerned as she gave me a plaster when the shower head cut my toe.

Then there is Fon who is 29 and she is Thai.  Her English is also very good. She cooks the most amazing food and thinks my life is hilarious. I'm not quite sure what she is studying but I think it's only for a year.  She doesn't seem to go out much and is always on Skype to her boyfriend.  But she is really lovely and always makes sure I am ok.

The last two are Chinese girls Stephanie and Cecilia.  They are 22 and are here for only a year studying International Business or something.  Their English really isn't very good and I wonder how they cope.  Perhaps they are better at reading and writing it than speaking it.  They do everything together and the smells from the kitchen are dribble inducing, but having seen what they cook and the ingredients they use, it doesn't seem at all healthy.  My only issue is they always take REALLY long showers and leave massive matts of hair in the plug hole.  This is really disgusting but I think I have finally got them to understand that they must remove it next time.  I have never had a conversation as such with Stephanie but the other day I had a breakthrough with Cecilia.  She asked me where I was off to as I was putting on make up, and then she said she was going to kareoke on Albert Road, and she would be singing a Chinese song, and have I ever been to Tiger Tiger?  It was bizarre to say the least as I didn't think they left their rooms apart from lectures and food shopping, but I welcomed the conversation.  Still, earlier I walked into the kitchen and they were eating slices of pizza with chopsticks.  It baffled me. I guess leopards can't change their spots after all.

Tonight I am having some of my course mates over for supper.  I'm cooking prawns with honey, ginger, chilli and spring onion.  I made it from scratch and just flung in whatever I thought would go so I hope it will be ok! I will serve this with spaghetti, and then there are mince pies and chocolate strawberries for pudding.  I will be dressed as Katwoman (get it?!) for a 21st Birthday party later tonight, as the theme is Heroes and Villains.  Caveman is coming...

Playzone isn't just for children

Units of alcohol: 4
'Spoons amaaaazing hot chocolates: 2
Money spent: too much :(
Number of over-excited students: many many many!

Yesterday evening we went as a group from Bateson Halls to an indoor adventure playground of the ball pits and slides variety.  I last went there when I was about 10 for a birthday party, but we discovered that once a month they open it up for adults. They even sell vodka slush puppies. If you think a place like this is dangerous for children, it is even worse for adults.  We spent over 2 hours dashing around madly playing games of tag, and people would frequently fall on you or kick you.  I think I have quite a few bruises today!
http://www.theplayzone.co.uk/

NEW USE FOR A SHOWER HEAD

Units of alcohol: 0
Cigarettes: 0
'Spoons amazing hot chocolate: 1
Broccoli and spinach: YES!

This evening I scared my international flatmates by appearing at the door to their rooms with blood pouring from my toe.  I did not, as one might guess considering I was shaving my legs, drop a razor on it.  Instead, I dropped the shower head. It scraped along my big toe and blood poured forth.  Who is silly enough to do that?
Earlier today I went on a date with Caveman.  This is the guy my friend and I bumped into a few weeks ago (I forgot to mention him in my blog) and we went back to my room for random chats.  Anyway, the problem which has befallen me is that he is even more good-looking than I remember- surfer dude with wavy blond hair meets fit rugby guy- and we have a lot in common.  I shall keep you posted...

TANTRUM

Cigarettes: 1

Units of alcohol: 6

Crabby Student: 1

Everything just seems to be going wrong. I blame tiredness and hormones for a lot of it but today things just got too much.  I was meant to be meeting a friend in Winchester for lunch but she bailed on me and forgot to let me know.  This annoyed me a fair bit as I had come back from University specially.  So I asked one of my Mum’s best friends (who, as my brother and I like to say, is a Desperate Housewife) to join me.  This was all very well for her as she does nothing with her days and has no children to worry about.  Personally, I would be bored if I were her.  But anyway, that is beside the point.  She was finicky over the bill.  She does not need a job, I am a student.  People who are tight with money especially when they don’t need to be piss me off. Enough said.

 Moving on.

 I got back to my car and went to pay for my ticket.  But I could not find my ticket. I searched high and low, all through my clothes and all through my purse.  Nada.  There was nothing I could do except pay the £15 fine for a lost ticket.  Again, I plea, I am a student.  I do not have £15 to waste on a lost ticket.  The most annoying thing about it is that normally I am so careful with my tickets; I put them next to my cards in my purse.  But today I didn’t. Oh WHY didn’t I? £15, gone.

 I finally got home and cried.  Well, actually it was a bit of a tantrum because every now and then I need to let rip. The house is dusty from the building, my Mum was in a bad mood and I’ve given her my cold and the cat hadn’t wiped his bottom properly and had left a dribble of something disgusting on my bed. I needed a hug and a howl.  I got the latter.

2 Musketeers Exercise

Weight: who knows, thank you water retention
Units of alcohol: 0
Units of hot Ribena: 10ish
Cigarettes: 0
Tantrums in Bateson Hall due to stupid TV show I have to review but don't understand: 1

After the hellish TV show screening I felt fit to burst, so my trusty female Musketeer and I headed to an exercise class titled 'Yoga Inspired Fitness'.  For 55 minutes we lay in various positions on the mats extending our limbs, sticking our bottoms in the air and pulling in our tummies to the strains of 'deep breath in... and out...'
The unforgettable moment was the 'seal roll'.  We lay on our backs with our legs bent like a frog with our feet touching, then rolled backwards, clapped our hands like seals and then rolled back again onto our sitting bones.  So incredibly dignified.

The impossibly slim, muscular instructor bounced around the room shouting into her microphone, her blonde ponytail swinging enthusiastically behind her and as she adjusted my hips I wondered what on earth I was doing there.  Do any of these slow movements and breathing exercises actually do any good?
Nevertheless, we left the class having felt we'd done some good work without the sweat of a proper workout. Amazing!

White T-Shirts, Marker Pens, Alcohol, Farmers

Weight: 11st 1lb
Height: 5'6.8" - Apparently I have shrunk by 5 or so "??? I don't think the height/weight machine works..
Units of Alcohol: Goodness knows...
Cigarettes: 3ish?
Random girl kisses: 2

WEDNESDAY
I've had an attendance warning about University Choir so I thought I had better go. Just as well though as I have finally met someone just like me, the lovely Alice.  She has an amazing voice and so we have teamed up to do some songs together. She's only the second person I've met here who went to a private school and it turns out we have a lot in common, so I instantly feel a lot happier.  Here's to a long friendship.
After choir I met up with a friend from home who is at Cardiff, and we went to watch 'Life As We Know It' which we LOVED so go and see it before it leaves the cinema- it's great for guys as well as girls, the perfect film for a date!
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqzjDrrZIdE
After the film we had supper at Cafe Rouge which was delicious, and what makes it even yummier for us students is this amazing website which offers 2 for 1 meals at various chain restaurants:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/deals/cheap-restaurant-deals
A lovely evening!

THURSDAY
This evening shall be forever ingrained in my memory as the best night out in Portsmouth so far. This happened to be on a Creative Writing Social where it was obligatory to wear a white t-shirt.  Throughout the evening we drew and wrote things of generally a sexual orientation (after all, isn't that all students are interested in?!) all over the t-shirts, and also over any unwisely revealed flesh. This is all great fun and perhaps a good aide-memoir of the evening, but a word of advice: don't allow permanent marker anywhere on your body as it takes days to scrub off...which is problem when you have to wear a dress 2 nights later...
After a bar crawl around the Guildhall Walk, we ended up in the amazing 90s club Babylon where we danced until the early hours, screaming along to the music of our childhoods- Spice Girls, S Club 7, B*Witched... what a night!

Shower 1: ink hardly budged

FRIDAY
I attempted to cook a prawn Thai curry for some of my friends.  This was, however, slightly taken over by my Thai flatmate as apparently I wasn't cooking it correctly, so I have to hand her the praise for the delicious meal.  We had a good giggle and soon my flat became the place to gather in.  We then all walked to Gunwharf for a game of bowling.  When we arrived were all shocked:  this was the first time we had ever been I.Dd for going bowling! The weather recently has been disgusting, even with a waterproof, so I retired earlier than usual to bed as I was coming down with a bad cold.  Note to students: when buying cough medicine there is no point in buying expensive brands such as Benylin; Boots' own is just as good.

Showers 2 and 3: ink going but still obviously there

SATURDAY
Shower 4: ink still there. Maybe I will have to find a new dress?
Bath: ink almost gone. What is left will have to pass as veins. Thank God I don't have to buy new dress.

I was invited by a 'charming young farmer' to the Young Farmers' Ball at the Rose Bowl.  I knew barely anyone there, and the ones that I did I had only met a week before in the pub. Still, as it was a black tie 'do I made an effort and didn't feel out of place amongst the swathes of lace and silk floating around the room.  Nobody noticed the ink. Tonight, however, I discovered two things:
Farmers drink a lot.
Alcohol helps when your 'charming young farmer' ditches you pretty much all night.

The next morning I had a disgusting hangover.

Home and Farmers

Units of alcohol: ohhhh wine you are my downfall!
Calories: more than when I'm at uni
Farmers met: about 8
Grandmothers not very happy with me: 1

My Granny and I are having another one of our fights.  She means the world to me but she is so old-fashioned and snobby.  I go over to her house and help her out all the time, yet she still finds every little thing wrong with me and makes me feel useless.  She criticizes what I wear, the way I talk, what I read, my boyfriends and pretty much everything else.  She has no idea how lucky she is that I don't do drugs and that I don't have a baby. She has told me that she is still very disappointed that I left Cardiff Uni to come to Portsmouth, and that I must get really stuck in and she expects nothing less than a First Class Degree.  I'm not sure that's going to happen at the moment as I am struggling to find the motivation to work.  Hopefully things will improve.
Moving on from that, last night I spent a lovely evening at home in front of the fire with X Factor and lots of wine.  I had forgotten that I said I'd meet a friend at the pub and since my mother and her friend had also been knocking back the wine, the only option left was a taxi.  This was an interesting trip, I recall, but what we talked about I couldn't tell you. Anyway, we shook hands and off I went.
In the pub were about 8 young farmers all having fun, and I happily joined in even though I felt pretty overdressed.  I now know the pub owner and he was very accommodating.  I met my friend's sister for the first time and we had such a giggle, and I have been invited to the Farmers' Ball next weekend at the Rosebowl cricket ground.  This sounds like a lot of fun so I'm really looking forward to that!

What A Night

Units of alcohol: at least 16...
Cigarettes: 1/2
Calories: about 2000
Random kisses: 1
Not-so-random kisses: 1

Thursday evening was really pretty good. I had the girls from my tutor group over for supper and I cooked spaghetti bolognese with a salad, and my friend bought some Co-Op cake for pudding.  There were 6 of us and we had a really good time and a lot of wine was consumed.  Then a couple more of my friends from home arrived (one of which is a really dishy Australian and the girls fell in love instantly) and we chilled out in my room whilst getting ready to go out.  A certain Ann Summers something was giggled over too. A couple of the girls then went home and the rest of us headed out to a 90s bar called Babylon for cheap drinks, then we walked to Gunwharf Quays to Tiger Tiger.  A lot of drinks were bought and we ended up talking to all sorts of strangers.  I also made friends with a bouncer who my brother had contacted as we share the same surname so that's a good heads-up for next time I go there. I'm not going to write about the rest of the evening except that I was the most inebriated I have been while at uni, or even in quite a long time.  I was amazed I wasn't hungover the next day, and I put that down to the bolognese!

Toy Shop For Adults

Height: 5"7.3
Units of Alcohol: 0!!!
Calories: I was a good girl at Pizza Express and had a leggera pizza... 1/3 of the calories of a normal one. Didn't taste nearly as good.
Inappropriate crushes: 1

After our early morning seminar, a few of us piled into Wetherspoon's for pancakes, because you can't really go wrong for £1.49. I figured I needed the energy to get me all the way through to supper at 5.30pm, especially as I was kept awake last night by hunger so had to resort to the dried apricots. Once happily ensconced in our booth we waited the long 20 mins or so for our food and the conversation turned, as it happens to do with students, to all things sexy. This involved the benefits of different styles of condoms and lubricants and eventually, vibrators.  I felt awfully sorry for the couple sitting next to us trying to have a quiet breakfast as their ears were damaged by all sorts of language and opinions.
We decided that a trip to the nearby Ann Summers was strictly in order.  This is the one shop that I am scared and embarrassed to go into. On my last trip there, my senses were scarred by a shop assistant explaining to an obese, unattractive lady about the different sorts of rampant rabbit vibrators.  Anyway, today we spent a good few minutes pressing all the different buttons on the rabbits and exclaiming over the obscene sizes of some of them like small children in a toy shop.
I eventually emerged with a lurid pink bag and my friends managed to continually embarrass me all the way home. What I really think is that the boys wished that they could have the chance to be a girl and have excuses to buy certain things!

I never want to do that again but I've got to...

Weight: 11st 2lb
B.M.I 24.2
Units of alcohol: 0!
Calories: maybe a third of yesterday's?

Well, I did it, I went to the gym. And I also went to an excruciatingly painful 'pump' class that left me feeling like I would never step foot in the studio again. Or even raise my arm in the air again. When I finally emerged from the sports centre my entire body was flushed and sweat was pouring off me like elephant's pee. I looked oh-so-attractive, and something that I simply cannot fathom is how some girls do the same exercises but look as fresh as a daisy afterwards with their hair and make-up still perfectly intact. It is incredibly unfair.  The gym was pretty nerve-racking since the few girls that were in there were only on the running machines, and it was predominantly the boys that were occupying the weights machines- with the exception being me. I felt constantly under scrutiny, worried that someone might come up to me and tell me I wasn't doing it right, thus causing even more humiliation.  I also had to keep my eyes averted from the bulging muscles being paraded in front of me, a difficult feat, I tell you!
I can already feel that my arms have worked hard, and I expect I shall be unable to move in the morning, but I shall still endeavour to keep up the pace, especially having reminded in the horrifying numbers above exactly how out of shape I am...

A New Beginning

Weight: A baby elephant
Alcohol units today: 2.5 (so far...)
Cigarettes: 0
Calories: Too many thanks to lunch in Cafe Rouge (and I had pudding)


It is the first of November, and although I forgot to pinch-and-punch anyone, today is quite a marker as I have finally started my blog. Also, the clocks have gone back- so for me it is officially winter, which I love. The gorgeous hues of the trees are trying to tell me otherwise, however, but they don't have a lot of influence because all the plants have come out at the wrong time this year so they are probably just bit late in their leaves changing colour and dropping off.
Anyway, here I am with my gin and tonic, determined to turn over a new leaf as far as my physical and mental state go.  A month ago I subscribed to the gym and all their fancy classes, but I shamefully admit that I have yet to visit.  This I endeavour to change. I have also put behind me my first love/best friend as he has broken my heart, treats me like dirt and has been sleeping with my friend. Isn't life a bitch?
 I have yet to find my Mr Darcy.  I know students are supposed to have fun and play the field, but for me, the day when I meet my own gorgeous Colin Firth can't come fast enough. Bugger- I have just knocked over my g&t. I am so bloody clumsy.

Today I met my old friend from school and we did a little retail therapy and had a delicious lunch together, then walked along the sea front putting the world to rights.  He is tall, dark and handsome and anybody in their right mind would fancy the pants off him. Did I mention that he is also extremely intelligent, funny and a lovely person? My mother and all her friends bat their eyelids at him and secretly wonder why we're not already walking down the aisle, but the truth is that he has always just been a really good friend.
This evening I asked my block mate Ben to come and entertain me while I did my several- days-old washing up.  He brought his guitar and we had a sing-along, much to the amusement of my Chinese flat mates, before moving to my room.  I was a little embarrassed because I had a slightly untidy room with some packets of tampons lying around and in my experience, men hate to be reminded of that sort of thing.  I suppose I should be grateful he didn't find my Bridget Jones-style Really Big Knickers.
I am going to go now and look for something to have for supper because the thorough cleaning of my bedroom has burnt up all of my lunch.
Cheerio.